We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
