he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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