I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
