last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
