i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We have started to decorate penises.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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