Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
