My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
