I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
