Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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