My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
