we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
