that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
