I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
