"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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