it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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