boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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