I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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