Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
