I puked a lego.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
