quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
