one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
