I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
