There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Randomize
