just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
