She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
