So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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