Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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