I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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