I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
