Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
