I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
