and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
