I love having hate sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
