i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
