So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
