We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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