What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
