Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
