there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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