Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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