So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
