she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
