so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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