So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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