I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
