I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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