You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
