Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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