So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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