things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
only you would photoshop your dick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
