i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
