Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
