Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
