I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
