I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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