My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
