My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
