guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
