matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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