So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A bitchslap is in order.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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