so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
