Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
