my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.