you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding