Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I'll start drinking again when I know where I am

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  (858): I'll start drinking again when I know where I am http://tfl.nu/a7gj
  Replies (24) Good night (4937) Bad night (767)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.

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  (609): the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real. http://tfl.nu/krsx
  Replies (39) Good night (836) Bad night (5357)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I swear god or herbie drove my car home

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  (912): I swear god or herbie drove my car home http://tfl.nu/eanl
  Replies (34) Good night (5114) Bad night (1059)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

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  (214): That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed. http://tfl.nu/6ncx
  Replies (5) Good night (4530) Bad night (941)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!

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  (901): Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train! http://tfl.nu/ural
  Replies (6) Good night (2045) Bad night (762)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?

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  (479): Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up? http://tfl.nu/43gp
  Replies (4) Good night (1737) Bad night (916)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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  (609): Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style. http://tfl.nu/0udf
  Replies (6) Good night (2150) Bad night (1101)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.

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  (337): IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE. http://tfl.nu/suxx
  Replies (5) Good night (1159) Bad night (556)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

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  (703): I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK? http://tfl.nu/mw9u
  Replies (16) Good night (554) Bad night (2143)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?

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  (718): He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible? http://tfl.nu/fv2h
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (438)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.

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  (+44): I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten. http://tfl.nu/hxkk
  Replies (1) Good night (1315) Bad night (494)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

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  (404): Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up. http://tfl.nu/ge7g
  Replies (4) Good night (490) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics

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  (601): New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics http://tfl.nu/u5bj
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.

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  (985): How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit. http://tfl.nu/kln2
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (295)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.

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  (410): I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life. http://tfl.nu/oenl
  Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (580)

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