I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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