I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?