Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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