My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
