Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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