You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
