the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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