twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
