I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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