Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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