dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
