The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
