This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
